You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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