saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
