he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
