I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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