he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
