My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
