I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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