her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
