I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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