I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
