I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
