If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
nutella sex= disaster
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
