I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
