our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
