i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
