there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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