Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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