Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
