It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
