I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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