you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
