we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
