Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think my moral compass just broke
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