Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
