Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
