Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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