I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
