whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
