so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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