he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
