I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
try to milk me bitch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
