So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
