sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
