based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We left an ass print on the piano.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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