i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
