after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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