Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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