New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
