I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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