There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
