Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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