there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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