Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Come on in and take your pants off
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