Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
