Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
