apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
