I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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