??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it hurts more in the daytime
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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