She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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