I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
