Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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