I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
