when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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