Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
