Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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