I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
