Sry I called you an 8
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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