Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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