the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
