we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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