just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
