P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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