once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize