They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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