6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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