Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
