So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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