and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
