We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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