The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
